Running safe

“Three things.. three things.. three things…”

Frantically I swept dust, stale Cheetos, and abandoned books off my table. Orphaned red and white pills sprinkled the carpet along with all the crap that used to be best intentions. Feeling as if I was keeping them waiting gnawed like an animal clawing inside my gut. 

Got it! The D batteries clinked together as I dropped them into my pocket. I also grabbed my pink neon lighter, a sock, then headed out the door forever.

Sprinting down the street, wind whipped at my face, it should have been bitterly numbing, but it stimulated me. Energy surged through my body in waves, unlike any high I can describe to the common man. My laugh was lost in the wind. This unstable world, the weather, the people, the political climate, would soon be left behind. And finally I was ready to depart. 

I spotted the launch pad ahead, clearly marked with yellow paint. And as their communication had directed, I sprinted toward it, and leaped over the edge.

I woke with hands and feet bound in leather. Stale drool and tears caked my skin, cracking as I opened my mouth and squinted my eyes. I let out a moan, then held my breath when my ribs objected.

Restraints hugged my wrists, but it was apathy that held me. The juxtaposition following my mania filled my limbs with lead, and solidified with time. 

“Anna? Anna? Can you hear me?” 
“Ughhh” I groaned. 

Through squinted eyes I saw a blurry woman. She stroked my hair and I felt faint signals of pleasure. The fuzziness of my vision and mentation made her aura angelic.

“Shhhh.” She whispered. “It’s okay, you don’t need to speak. You’re in the hospital, today is Sunday, I’m your nurse Cara. You fell one story. When the paramedics arrived you were raving about replicating and leaving earth.”

I wondered how much time I had lost with this episode. Each damaged my brain more. On my bedside table was my gray hoodie, I could see the outline of D batteries in the pocket and wondered what the hell I had wanted those for. 

“We have you on suicide precautions so Rob from security is going to have to sit with you at all times. I’ll be back soon dear.”

The security guard smirked. The hospital gown was much too big for me and had slipped down almost revealing my nipples. He scooted his chair closer while readjusting his groin.

I closed my eyes. Trump’s voice on my roommate’s television. A patient yelling. Rain splatting my window. Hunger gnawing my gut. I retreated into my head, simultaneously safe and imprisoned. 



5 thoughts on “Running safe

    1. A lot of what I write isn’t what I’m feeling at the moment. Stories of ways I’ve felt, other people have felt. I’ve never actually had a manic episode or been in the hospital. And I’m not suicidal. But all the stories I write always have some truth, and someone I’m drawing them from.

      Liked by 1 person

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