Orange Bottles

translucent orange bottles,
unmistakable rattle,
No one has to know
They will tell me I do not need them.

Internal suffering hidden behind socially acceptable facial expressions.
Tell them how many activities you did,
how little rest you got,
you want to appear strong.
The answer to “how are you?” Is always “good!”

Dulled senses. Silence more enjoyable than music. Pleasure is a distant memory.

If functionality continues, your thoughts are inconsequential.
push the boundaries of your mind until it is so uncomfortable you can hardly bear it.
But do it with a smile.
There! Now you are doing it right!

The fallacy of society: strength is someone who suffers, does not take the “easy” way out.

I hide. I do not let them see. My arms and legs leaden. A parched mouth and cracking lips tolerated.
Too great is the energy expenditure required to reach a glass of water .

Don’t take the pills! They say UV rays and endorphin release is the cure. Wouldn’t want them to know you needed more.

No longer able to mask the suffering with a smile, I do the polite thing of shielding myself from society.

Soothing thoughts of death come in flux,
harmless by virtue of depression’s immobility.

Apparently I once felt happiness, But looking at the masses of society
smiling at laughing babies, I wonder what it is to experience emotion

I bathe once in awhile because I am supposed to. Pretend to have a “real” illness, Sin of sloth, don’t let them see your indulgence

It’s about quantity of years, not quality. Suffer and live a long life, you are strong.

An hour is easily identified, when fog inexplicably lifts..

Electric waves to fingertips. hear more, see more, feel more, do more. Urgent creativity. make up for lost time.

Now we can shout about all the tasks completed with so little sleep.
amorously, joyfully, vibrantly, spiritually, sexually
manic laughter is contagious.

Heightened senses, fabric grating on skin, sounds are too loud, will someone please turn off that radio?

Nothing is simple.

Impulsivity takes over, suppression of urges is key to staying alive.
Imminent danger, don’t let them see.
With irritability Amorous feelings transform to disgust. Hatred.

I don’t want to die!
Kill yourself! Hang yourself! Jump off that bridge!
Suppress suppress
I don’t want to die!
Laterally, you know how to make the incision, I think there is a rope nearby
Suppress suppress
I don’t want to die!

These other emotions are cut up and labeled as separate diagnoses.
Suicidal obsession, pure O type OCD. Break me to bits, define me.

Safety is found in pills, off white, distinct rattle.

Ability to don socially acceptable smile with ease regained. Easy now.
They can’t understand that nothing is a void and all is like King Midas.
The pharmacy gives white bags to hide translucent orange bottles, it’s polite, because OCD has become a mockery, and Bipolar too big of a pill to swallow.

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4 thoughts on “Orange Bottles

    1. I’m a relatively new blogger and find your poetry fantastically deep and amazingly touching. I was wondering if you would be so kind as to help me with my blog on getting followers and follow me? My blog is new and is about non-smoking which is turned into vaping for me. Yes I can relate to your story but do not have the same writing capabilities as you. If you follow me I would greatly appreciate it. But if not is ok too. Thank you for your inspiring words. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You express this invisible of isolation created by illness that does not show itself in public n is not considered by even the ‘Professiinals’ as something that has need Validation acknowledgement of the squatter in your body you mind that just won’t leave that parties all night long leaving you sleepless fatigue day long the helplessness n masks one has for each different things Occassion to appease the pointed finger n frowns of those whom assume the know what is best for you or what is wrong n what one must do As though its as easy as flying though minus the wings n anatomy made for such a thing
    I have two invisible ato immune diseases that I coonect with every word you have voiced here for me your poetry as made me feel seen n understood
    ThankYou for being opening raw your voice on such a painful complexed deal the dynamics are enormous
    I wish I could offer you something of substance other than words xo ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’›xo

    Liked by 1 person

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